My editor said to be more edgy so fuck it. I decided to venture down to Philadelphia after the Super Bowl to join in the madness after the Philadelphia Eagles just pulled off their miraculous upset over the Evil Empire, I mean the New England Patriots. I had just gotten back from a trip to Pittsburgh with the chicky which was an adventure in and of itself, considering that I lost control of my vehicle on the way into a tunnel at roughly 60 MPH.
“Turn into the slide, turn into the slide.”
So with only minor damage to the car bouncing off the side of the tunnel we decided that the near death experience was fate’s way of saying “take your invincible asses to Philly tonight”. Traffic was at a standstill in and out of Philadelphia, but knowing the roads, we quickly found ourselves on 12th and Chestnut, just a few blocks from Broad Street. The streets were lit with drunken Eagles fans savoring that first Super Bowl victory. Cops stood on just about every block but they really didn’t seem to give a fuck. Two patrolmen watched on as a few fans ripped the Broad Street sign from an overhead post. And in typical Philly fashion, always disgusted by failure, onlookers booed as the youths desperately tried to free the sign to no avail as the crowed started throwing bottles and cans attempting to knock the unlucky delinquents down. But with heroism still on display in the City of Brotherly Love, another fan climbed up the pole and was able to kick the sign free with the drunken mob cheering in approval as pieces of heavy metal fell into the crowd.
A block down, a group of rowdy fans had already removed an entire street light from the ground and attempted to hook it on a light post on Broad and Market. Unsuccessful with that task, they then smashed into a window display at Macy’s and entered the building but quickly realized they couldn’t gain access to the store, so as a consolation prize they hurled a mannequin back through the window.
During all this anarchy, including the Police Commish getting smacked in the head with a bottle, law enforcement actually made no arrests but they did usher people from the side walk to avoid additional glass from falling on other onlookers. Newspaper boxes, bike racks, and trashcans that once dotted Philly streets were smashed and twisted into nearly unrecognizable pieces of refuse. Prideful chants, cheers of joy and horn blowing were overtaken every few minutes by the blaring sirens of emergency response vehicles. But truthfully, despite this pandemonium and even the presence of the ‘Counter Terrorism’ units, the vibes were all love. So while the canopy at the Ritz Carlton came crashing down and drunken men and women could be seen pissing on nearly every street corner. I can truly say it was overshadowed by the exuberance of fans roaming the streets waving their flags, surfing on car tops, chanting “Fuck Tom Brady” as they carried their makeshift Lombardi trophies, slapping high fives and blasting the iconic Rocky theme song.
Ironically I found it a pretty safe and happy environment since I was fully expecting to see a city ablaze; but hey, lit is lit. And Philly was LIT!!!